So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
