Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
