she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
