I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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