So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
