I CAN MOONWALK!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
