Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
