I just cut my nipple shaving
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
