she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
