Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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