so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
