Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
