I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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