My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Randomize
