Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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