Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize