She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
