dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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