I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
