i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
