Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Will exercising make me less horny?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
