I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
