i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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