um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
