on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
