4 words: hood of his car
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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