I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
