update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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