i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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