One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will be naked everywhere
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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