She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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