i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
