Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
