It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
