Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
