hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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