I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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