youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
