Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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