Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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