That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
