I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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