Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
