that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I deserve this hangover.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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