I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
