Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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