We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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