you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
