In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
