OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
