She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
