and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
