i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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