just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
