I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
