Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
