so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
