if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
