I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
