Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
