watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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