Are we in a gay sports bar?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
