There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
