hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
