Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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