He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
