Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
