gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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