I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
