I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
