i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
