He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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