in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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