So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
