The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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