Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
