24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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